This was taken 20 years ago right at about this time of year. Oh how'd Id like to go back and just stay there. All I ever wanted was to be a mom and oh how I love it. I loved loved when my kids were little so much fun they were. Never have they stopped being fun. But oh the young days were just so amazing. Good Night Amanda and RJ Mommy Loves you xoxoxoxo...

19 MONTHS

Heres a few photos from the past. Amanda's probably close to 19 months in some of them, Today is Amanda's 19 month Angel Day.

At 932am today it will be 19 months since our world came to a screeching halt and Amanda's life become full. I truly believe we don't start living until we reach Heaven. Earth is just a test of survival to get us into Heaven. 19 months 83 weeks......I still find it hard to grasp she is truly gone. For the longest time I kept praying Id wake from the nightmare and all would be ok. Instead its a nightmare we must live everyday. I think about Amanda when she was 19 months old. She was a totally BLAST!! Well she was always a blast, but oh was she fun as a toddler. Amanda was never a terrible 2s or a trouble teenager. She truly was just amazing all her life here on earth. Almost like she was already a Angel.Our Angel our perfect sweet loving Angel. Our whole household finds it hard to get through each day. Each of us grieving and dealing with it in a outside differnt way but each of us hurting on the inside the same way. The 18th of every month brings extra sting too our day as well as each Sunday and Monday. There seems to always be a date that makes our hearts a little heavier in someway. 2 years ago at this time Amanda was suffering and we were desperately trying to find out what was wrong. Nov. 23rd. with be the 2 year date of her dx.That will be another post. Today I have to pick myself up and make it a good day. Today we will have family over and celebrate RJs 22nd BD. We will rejoice in the fact we have him alive and well here with us. We will rejoice in the fact he is a amazing young strong man that has been there for us through this all.We will make it through the day with smiles on our faces and heavy hearts that don't show. Thats how most our days go. I feel truly blessed to have the son I do. RJ Mommy Loves You!!  I think of the cake and goodies that would have been made had Amanda been here.RJs Sissy Banda always made sure he had a awesome BD cake. She made his cake for his first BD and never stopped. She was just that amazing.I will close so now so I can get ready for RJs day. Amanda know Mommy Daddy and RJ never go a moment with out thinking about you and Love you to the moon and back a zillion times. We miss you that much as well.Always with us Sweet Princess your Always with us. Love Mommy Daddy and RJ.

Amanda LOVED fall time and all the holidays that came with that time of year. She looked forward to warm sweaters, fun hats, scarfs, gloves and of course coats like the one she is wearing. She was so thrilled to get this coat she saved hard for it and Maw and Papa helped her with the rest. Amanda was a frugal practical child and never wanted to pay full price for things or buy needlessly. She liked to make what she could or look for clearances and second hand stores. I love this picture and the smile on her face. She was always so happy and so thrilled with all of life. Missing you something terrible my sweet girl. Wishing you were here to share a warm fire and a cup of cocoa with. Love Mommy xoxoxoxo <3 !

2009 Carter Family Christmas Photo

Welcome to Our new blog.  Please be patient while we set it up and learn how to blog. The idea of this blog is to share all our love and memories of Amanda as well as how our family is doing now. Its also to help get Amanda's Foundation going. I will be posting (DeeDee) as well as RJ and Heidi. Heidi is determined to get Amanda's foundation up and running. Trying to get the foundation going has become a task to overwhelming for myself. I hope all of you will feel free to share your love and memories of Amanda. It warms my heart to hear stories about her and see that she is remembered. I also would like this to be a place for others that are hurting to be able to share their thoughts and feelings. I will do my best to keep the posts happy but please know sometimes they are going to be dark and may not be easy to read. After all this has been the darkest time of our life and sometimes its hard to see the light. We all need a place where we can feel safe to express all our feelings. Heidi will keep the posts updated with new up comings such as fundraisers and blood drives. She as well will post about her journey of her and Amanda. I hope to hear form all of you. Looking forward to hear your love and memories of Amanda as well as your memories of your loved ones. Thank you and God Bless.